Friday, March 4, 2011

Our Other Self

Yesterday was a hard day when it came to getting my exercise done. I ended up only doing 20 of my 30 minutes because my knees were bugging me so badly. I know I am going to have to switch back to the elliptical machine until I lose some more weight and my knees can handle the stress load better. This whole knee pain got me thinking about who I am. So many times I see this other person who resides in my head.

That person can be really mean sometimes and at others pretty tricky. It is that self that tells you that you are a fool for even thinking about becoming a runner. That the pain isn't worth it and that you have no business being on a track. At other times it is saying that it doesn't matter if you are fast or slow, you are moving. But then there is also this image that I see, not truly me but something sort of like me. I am jogging along a beautiful path, thinner and healthier. I'm not this person that I see reflected in the mirror day by day.

I teased my sister in law, saying that when I run, I imagine myself as Cindy Crawford running down the beach. The truth is I see this other self that I could should be. Where did she get lost? Or did I even know she was there during a time when I could have more easily seen who she is? And is it only because I seemed to have strayed so far from her that I feel like I have more than one self?


housewife said...

I commented...where'd it go!?

It's nice to have an alter ego. And when you finally meet her you should take your old one out to a remote place, tie her up and gag her and leave her for dead:)

Debbie Murdock said...

That is pretty deep! I think a lot of us feel the same way in different aspects but people are too afraid to admit it. Hopefully you can work through the pain...I KNOW what it's like to have knee pain and it's discouraging. After two surgeries I refuse to be a victim of my knee even though it hurts like mad sometimes. The elliptical is a good thing though.

Krista said...

I think we tend to see different mortal possibilities (?) of ourselves in our minds... the challenge is figuring out what's real and what's societally-induced fiction about those possibilities. (I'll spare you my rant about our general culture and its satanic fictions... oops, was that too strong?)

But having a vision of a healthy self is REALLY helpful!!! I'm so glad you're catching glimpses of that self - we are SO much more (and greater) than we can see! :)

AJ said...

I have another version of me that I see, too. It was at the end of my mission and I felt so confident and strong. I was healthier than I'd ever been. But I lost that over the years. I think I'm getting back to that person.