Thursday, June 10, 2010

Waves

Today has been rough. Through out my life I have struggled with depression, but over the last few years not nearly as much. Today it hit like one of the waves of the sea. There has been a gentle lapping of this depression for a bit now but today I got hit hard. The knocked off my feet, drowning in it kind. I didn't want to do anything. Just sit or sleep. I get so frustrated when Marc asks me what I want to do or what I have planned because I just don't know. How am I supposed to figure out what to do? I can see what needs to be done but I just don't care. I am frustrated with my blog design. They have done a new thing and now I am going to have to learn it all again to get it back to were I want it. But this will suffice for now. I am prayerful that tomorrow will be better. I plan on taking the kids hiking. Finally found the map for the foothills trails. I am also hopeful that the pool will open like planned. I am tired of my walls. I am tired of Marc not having a job. I am tired of myself. I know it will be better and this is mostly the depression talking but some days I just can't get past it. Tomorrow will be soon enough to deal with the world.

3 comments:

The Crazy Heads said...

Glass half full.....glass half full. Just keep saying that. Hope things go better for you. I think you're great! And that whole you don't know what to do or care about anything.....um, I have that everyday! Praying for you!

Michelle said...

I totally know how you feel, the weather seems to get me way down, it is so cold today and cloudy and has been this way for the last 3 months, haven't had much of spring or any summer now. If I had my way I would stay in bed all day, but my kids are what I get up for thank heavens, what will I do when they are gone. I wish I had advice for you or know what to say buy where I am in the same boat, its hard. I have good days and bad days so I live for the good days to get me through the bad days. I do know that we have to keep going with lots of prayers and faith and someday we will be blessed for all of this. Love you, wish I could help you.

Debbie Murdock said...

I know you probably get I know how you feel all the time but I can empathize with what you're saying and feeling. Hopefully the day will be brighter tomorrow and you can find that one thing that pulls you up and will keep pulling you up. My kids are what also keep me going and I'm thankful for a husband that knows me so well when I start to slip and want to be quietly defeated and disappear in the background he pulls me back. You're an amazing lady remember to fight and make the choice everyday to live and love life as hard as it is sometimes!!!!