Today my heart aches. There is the old adage that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I have decided that it was a mother who came up with that because our hearts get broken all the time and we have to keep on going. Out of all my kids Nik is the most naturally shy. He has a small group of friends but on a whole prefers to play with his siblings, stay in the house, and not have to do anything that puts him in a situation where he doesn't know anyone. Having turned 12 this last December has put him in the age group of going to scouts.
This has been a challenging thing for Nik. He usually enjoys himself when he gets there but he always throws a fit and doesn't want to go. Earning Merritt badges has been especially hard because his troupe is so small, many of the classes are held with other troupes. People he totally doesn't know. This morning we got the information on Merritt badge day camp that is supposed to help them get ready for scout camp. To say Nik didn't want to go is an understatement. But I made him go. Leaving him there was one of the hardest things I have had to do. He was shutting down. I could see it in his face. He hates that I am pushing him, when all he wants is to stay home. I know in my mind that the transition to middle school will be a hundred times worse if I let him sit in his "cave" all summer. He has to go but my heart hurts for him and how hard it is for him to do these things. :(
How do I help him understand that I am only pushing him for his own good. I try not to push to hard or to fast but he has to be pushed some or he would be content to be home all the time. I pray that someday he will know that I am doing what I do because I love him, not because I am trying to make him miserable.