"No other success can compensate for failure in the home." David O. Mckay
Nikolas is failing 6th grade. He is two months away from repeating this year, if he is unable to have some consistent help to get his work done. He is also being teased. Anyone who knows Nik, knows that he is so sweet and has a very tender heart. Unfortently because of this he cries. He cries when he is mad, when he is happy, when he is frustrated or his feelings get hurt. Because he cries he is getting teased. Makes my heart sick to think of the damage that those stupid boys could do to my tender boy.
I have been very unhappy for months now. Just struggling to have peace and very strongly having impressions that a major change was needing be made. I have been going to the Temple and fasting and praying for guidence, pleading for an awnser for many, many months. Sunday I recieved my awnser. It has been there all along, but when the words were said it made such crystal clear sense, that if reverberated through my heart and soul and I knew. I am no longer supposed to be in school. It is time to be home with my children full-time. Be here giving them my undivided attention. Having a snack on the table when they get home and be ready to do whatever needs to be done to help my children to be able to succeed.
There has been a peace that has come with this decision that I wasn't expecting, but also a worry too. Am I going to be able to embrace my new role? I am changing not only the demands on my time but my expectations of what my duties are in the home. I am the caretaker and it is my resposiblity to provide better for the needs of all in my family. Marc and the kids, dinner, chores, snacks and time making this house a home...have all become my priority. It may seem like a drastic change to make, but I know that it is what I need to do.
Nik doesn't need me when I am done with finals in a month and he doesn't need me when I am graduated in a year...He Needs Me NOW. He is not the only one. There are other private concerns and worries that I have for each of my other children, Nik's needs are just the most immediate at this time. So I am offically withdrawing from school today. I have an appointment and will be talking with my teachers to let them know. This shift in focus to my kiddo's is were I know I am supposed to be.They are my kids and they need me now, there really was no question, they win hands down. It just took me a little time to see---to see that Heavenly Father was happy with what I have done, but he knows what I need to do now and that I am finally ready to be a Mom.